Bittersweet
by Ruby Rosetta Red
Summary: Set immediately after the events of Hidden, Clark reflects on what happened.


b>Bittersweet. /b>

Someone close to him would die; he would lose someone that he loved. No matter which way he phrased it; it still meant the same thing. Heartbreak was in his way and it scared him rigid.

Waking up in the Fortress of Solitude had confused him briefly. He'd felt his soul rip free of his body, the pain of his mortal life leaving him in that instant and he'd been weightless, free, flying through blinding white and soaring high. Then he'd been aware of numbing freezing cold and opening his eyes and seeing Lionel Luthor standing there. But his biological father's voice had come out of the mouth of his nemesis, foretelling doom and tragedy and there was absolutely nothing that he could do about it.

In preventing one calamity, he'd been unable to stop the one looming in his life, Jor-El had told him that the event had been set in motion the moment he'd become mortal and nothing could stop it, it thundered towards him and all he could do was brace himself.

He barely took in the expressions on his parents face as he'd walked through the kitchen door. He'd barely noticed the way his mother's eyes had widened, her mouth dropping open and she'd given a little gasp and ran towards him, flinging her arms around him and holding him tightly to her. He'd looked down at her, at the disbelief and he'd swallowed. What if it was his mom? What if she was the one that he would lose? He quelled the vicious pain that rose inside of him. He turned his head as his dad approached, so tall, dependable, always there for him if he needed him, how could he survive if he didn't have him in his life? Anger and confusion pushed forwards and he allowed his father to embrace him, his senses filling with the familiar scents of his childhood, shaving soap, cooking, his mom's perfume and he closed his eyes. Now was not the moment to be weak.

He watched their expressions change when he told them that he was no longer their mortal child. He was Clark Kent, Kal-El, with all his powers, his abilities and all the secrets and lies that came with the package. Bitter disappointment rose to choke him. He'd liked being mortal, living, breathing, bleeding, loving, it was the happiest he'd been for a long, long time. It had meant loving Lana, the secrets that he'd guarded holding none of their devastation anymore. Living a mortal life had opened his eyes to the world around him; everything was more vibrant, held more meaning. He felt as a mortal man, experienced pain, love and joy in its purest form. To smile into Lana's eyes and feel his heart swell in his breast had been the simplest yet most delicious treasure of them all. It was all gone now.

He heard the squeak of the front door opening, heard her quavering voice and he looked at his parents. They urged him forwards and after a faltering step, he turned, suddenly needing to see her for himself. He needed to hold her even if it was just once.

It felt like nanoseconds in between them looking at each other and then she was in his arms, in reality it was probably much more than that, but he held her close. His throat closed up, he felt a burning behind his eyes that had nothing to do with his heat vision. She gave a little whimper, her face buried in the side of his neck, her arms like vines around him. He felt her tears soak his skin and he swallowed. He couldn't speak; his brain couldn't form the words of comfort that he wanted to say to her. All that he was aware of was of her and also the pain inside of him that he kept tamped down. He wouldn't think of the future now, wouldn't allow himself. She was now.

Darkness filled the room. Shadows blinked bright pink across the floor and Clark watched it hypnotically. He couldn't sleep, couldn't let himself relax enough to let it happen. There were brief gaps in time when Jor-El's prophecy didn't haunt him, where he felt that maybe he could look to the future and smile, but he knew that he was kidding himself. Right now his future included heartbreak. Beside him Lana stirred restlessly, the carelessly slung arm across his waist tightening for a second, as if in sleep she was making sure he was still there, that she wouldn't lose him again. He turned his head and glanced down at her. Her face was hidden by her fall of brown hair and he wondered what she was dreaming of. He reached out to touch her, smooth that hair away, so that he could watch her but he stopped himself. He'd driven her back to her apartment in silence. He knew that she had questions, had to have questions, but even he didn't know how to answer them and make sense at the same time. The silence had continued until they'd reached the door and he'd stood and watched her unlock it. Then she'd looked up at him and he'd bent his head and kissed her.

Gently he slipped out of bed and slipped on carelessly discarded clothing. He turned his head and looked at her. She slept on, the sheet dragged down a little to reveal an expanse of smooth skin. He stared at it for a moment. He then glanced down at his unbuttoned shirt, seeing the gauze covering a wound that no longer existed. He frowned. There would be no scar to remind him of the event, not outwardly anyway. He looked down again as he buttoned the blue and white plaid shirt. He still remembered the shock of the pain as the bullet had made its impact. It had made him gasp and he'd grasped at it, trying to stem the overflow of scarlet blood that had spilled out over his hands. He remembered the coppery taste of it in his mouth and the sound of his laboured breathing and slowing heartbeat in his ears as his life force had begun to ebb away. Only a miracle had saved him from immediate death, another miracle placed him here right now, only it wasn't without repercussions.

He pressed a gentle kiss on her head, whispering to her to stay in bed as he was going to go home. He watched her fall back to sleep before taking his leave.

The streets of Smallville were silent; his only companions were the occasional feline on the prowl, his heightened hearing catching their forages into garbage bins and other such places. The chill late night breeze washed over his skin and he looked up at the navy blue sky. Stars sparkled against it. He remembered how close to obliteration this place had come. It would've happened if everything had gone Gabriel's twisted way. He took a deep breath and headed towards his truck. He tried to see the good his actions had done, tried to remember the pride his parents felt in him but all that he could feel was the disappointment that the lies had to begin again and the fear that someone he loved would die and he didn't know who it would be. No matter what he tried to tell himself, it always came back to that.

b>END /b>


End file.
